Sometimes No-Tech Is The Best Tech

Before you think I'm a crusty old curmudgeon who still listens to Three Dog Night on 8-track tapes or vinyl records, please rest assured that I am a total gadget freak. I dig my iPod, and have 6 weeks' worth of music crammed into it. I have enough computers at home to open my own PC lab. I've owned 6 different digital cameras (and still use three of them), have 4 GPS units in the family, run satellite radio in two vehicles and in our bedroom, and I bow down regularly at the altar of digital gadgetry.

OK, I'm just kidding about that last thing.

So it may strike you as somewhat odd that I am a retro-grouch when it comes to lawnmowers. I had been hunting and hunting for a no-frills basic lawnmower for many months, until I finally found what I was looking for at Wal-Mart last week.

But let me digress first.Mother Nature has seen fit to bless us with copious amounts of rain this last month. I am the proud owner of a 10-acre jungle. The grass and weeds are growing so fast that I cannot keep up with it. Shoot, for entertainment, we sit out in the carport and watch the weeds grow. That is, until the mosquitoes start bleeding us dry.

I have a nice Massey-Ferguson tractor for mowing the simple stuff, but I rely on a pushmower for the immediate front and back yards, as well as through treelines. But when you live in the country, you need something that is a little tougher than those prissy models they sell to suburbanites. I don't have lush fescue or Kentucky Blue Grass for a lawn; no, I have a mix of native Buffalo grass, some wild Bermuda grass, a slew of weeds, and patches of some unknown tall prairie grass that dwarfs everything else by a good foot.

For the last five years I've owned a $450 John Deere pushmower. It has a mulching feature, and is self-propelled. For most people, this would be a slam-dunk. Just aim it, and off you go.But that thing was the worst $450 I've ever spent. It's got about as much power as a horse ready for the glue factory. In spite of regular maintenance and trips to the shop, it just acts like it wants to get paid for doing nothing.

So I privately started longing for the simple mowers of my youth...the kind we had back in the 70s that had one basic feature: a big blade that goes round and round really fast. No drive train. No mulcher. No bagger. No throttle. Just a bare-bones mower.

But just try to find one of these no-tech mowers today. No, it seems like all lawn and garden retailers are more intent on selling us deluxe models with all the latest in mowing technology. I'm surprised I haven't seen one with some kind of digital readout or something, or perhaps a remote control, iPod port, or satellite radio.

Imagine my gleeful satsifaction, though, when I found this lonely Weedeater mower (made by Electrolux) sitting all by itself in the Canyon Wal-Mart. For a mere $158 I could have a basic mower, with a 4.75 horsepower engine. Additional horsepower would be provided by yours truly.

I bought it and ran.

Today I finally had the time, the right weather, and dry enough conditions to take it on its maiden voyage. And you know what? I loved it. In between sneezes and watery eyes, I was smiling from ear to ear. That little cheapo mower plowed through everything my Texas jungle could throw at it. I ran and got my wife, and sang the praises of my new grass-munching friend.

Suddenly I was 17 again and mowing my parent's lawn in Chicago.You see, I don't think we need all these add-ons for mowers. People just need to cut grass.

It's kind of like those fancy cell phones they push on us these days. Sure, I've taken a few dozen pictures with my phone, and even emailed a few. But the quality is lousy, and, to be quite honest, that camera doesn't help my communications one bit. I just want to talk to people.

And I just want to get this grass cut before the house disappears.

Dr "Anyone Have Some Goats I Could Borrow?" Gerlich