Hell Freezes Over

The denizens of Hell are searching for overcoats and ear muffs. Ice scrapers are nowhere to be found, and the local discounter is all sold out of space heaters.

In a meteorological event never witnessed before, Hell has frozen over.

Oh yeah...and the Canyon City Commissioners are, by virtue of a technicality, allowing a specific-use permit to be granted to Big Earl's Bar-B-Q and Taco House.

To sell alcohol.

Surely the devil himself is shivering. I thought I'd never see the day. In fact, if Hollywood were to ever produce a sequel to Footloose, I would hope they'd shoot it here because nothing would have to be changed to suit the story line.

A new chapter in the history of our fair city is about to be written. The Commissioners, through fluke or whatever, failed to rule against Big Earl's because they deadlocked 2-2. Another Commissioner was absent, which could have swayed the vote one way or the other. His absence meant that a tie vote was in essence a vote of approval.

Last week the city's Planning and Zoning Commission had recommended this permit 4-3, and it would have taken a majority vote from the Commissioners to overturn it.

And so a sick daughter that caused a Commissioner to be absent from this milestone meeting is responsible for alcohol being served in Canyon TX.

Never mind that the Commissioners also denied a similar request (for the fourth time) to the Eagle Diner down on the square. The Commissioners acted predictably on this one, citing the proximity to the courthouse and First Baptist's Ministry Center. Let's make sure we allow religion to decide these secular civic matters.

A third alcohol request (oh my gosh, this city's going to the dogs!) was tabled because it is actually outside the domain of the city. The fate of Buffalo Southwest Cafe, which would be located on University land between the two new motels on East Fourth Avenue, must be considered by the A&M Board of Regents. It, too, would sell alcohol.

In all cases, a restaurant serving booze would have to be set up as a "private club," which is an euphemism for "hooray, we get to sell some beer!" There would be memberships, bylaws, and whatnot for these very important social groups, but really all it means is that they can sell what they want.

And Canyon residents and WT students can finally get a beer in town.

Good for us all, I say. Having grown up in Chicago, I was surrounded by taverns and liquor stores. You know what? It was no big deal. You were as likely to see the parish priest at a tavern as you were a family having Sunday dinner. The tavern is (and was) a community hall, a place where people gathered to talk, watch TV, debate politics, and have a drink or meal. And I think we could use a few more places like that.

I host a cycling camp each June in southwest Wisconsin, a place where the European influence runs deep. Each little town has several old taverns, even when there isn't a convenience store for miles. We stop in these taverns while on our long rides, buying Cokes, water, burgers, and even a beer or three. Visiting with the locals is often the highlight of the day as we get to taste a slice of their life.

So after 17 years of living on the High Plains, I still have problems with the prevailing mindset. Here's what I think: Those who would keep people from buying a drink are sorely deficient in one hugely important human trait: R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

That's right. Respect. It pains me greatly to see my fellow Christians (perhaps in name only) denying respect to their fellow man and woman. These people expect everyone else to bow to their ways of life. It would be like the Amish demanding we all get rid of electricity because they think it is sinful.

It's the same missing respect that caused a bunch of local dim bulbs to complain to local NBC affiliate KAMR-TV about the show The Book of Daniel. KAMR caved in and removed the show, thereby denying all other viewers access to this show.

I watched the inaugural episode of the show, and I agree that it stunk. But who am I to try to keep others from watching it? Sure, the highly dysfunctional Episcopalian priest's family was a stretch, but I saw nothing wrong with casting Jesus as a contemporary. For many modern Christians who carry Jesus around in their back pocket as if he were a good luck charm or something, this shouldn't be an issue. In fact, I thought the way they depicted Jesus was right on target.

Two thousand years ago the first recorded miracle of Jesus' ministry was his turning water to wine at the wedding feast in Cana. And not just one bottle, mind you. He made between 100-120 gallons of the stuff. Holy cabernet! And he made the best wine of the evening, stunning the host of the feast.

Maybe, just maybe, Jesus has come to Canyon and turned our dusty, dirty water to wine and beer. Sacrilegious? I don't think so. There's a huge difference between imbibing and drunkenness. Jesus understood the importance of relationship, and didn't get hung up on the legalism the Pharisees lived for. Jesus knew that the legalists were missing the point. It's hard to be in right relationship with the Father when you're not in right relationship with His people.

Now that Canyon's Pharisees have been dealt a swift blow, maybe we can see the point once more. There is one thing I've wanted to do ever since I came here. And that's be able to share conversation with students over a beer. I saw this all the time at Indiana U, where profs and students would gather at Nick's Tavern (no, not mine!) for a cold one.

Come get me when Big Earl's opens. I'll buy the first round.

And we'll take up a donation for snow shovels in Hell.

Dr "Get Over It" Gerlich