It's Not A Purse!

It's official. The must-have accessory item for men this year is The ManBag. Having slowly built critical mass through the years, and carried on TV by Fox & Friends' Brian Kilmeade, The ManBag is not a gender bender but rather a haute tote for the fashion-conscious man.

I can just hear Jerry Seinfeld in The Reverse Peephole episode defending his bag: "It's-Not-A-Purse!"

And women seem to like the idea, as long as it...um...doesn't look too much like a purse.

Which may be a monumental task, for a purse by any other name smells the same. Sure, you could take away the feminine styling, and just make it available in one or two colors (presumably to match the guy's brown or black shoes, right?). But it's going to have to look more like a tool belt before some guys buy in to the idea.

I'm not sure about this. While I don't mind the idea of a guy carrying a handbag (ooh, that sounds terrible, doesn't it?), I'm more concerned about falling into the same trap my wife falls into (and by virtue of common property, me too).

I can just hear it now. Man tries to get ready to leave for work, and frantically cries out to Woman: "Where's-my-ManBag?"

I kind of like having my pockets full of enough keys to start a locksmith business, flanked by George Costanza's wallet propping my behind up on one side to the point that it affects my posture and causes lower back pain. I'll even take the occasional ink pen disaster and the clank of a few bucks worth of coins.

And if it won't fit in my pockets, I'll wear a backpack. At least then I'll look like I'm going on an adventure instead of shopping.

Of course, men could just be content to carry a briefcase, but those get clunky, too. While they may bespeak occupational prestige, they become portable filing cabinets for more junk than you need to be carrying around. Besides, that's why we have jump drives for our computers so you can stash all your work in your pocket...of course!

No, the ManBag idea may be nice for some guys, but I don't see it happening around here. It's not that I'm afraid to be seen with one (God knows I've been seen enough times already carrying either my wife's or daughter's purses). I just don't want to put all that valuable stuff in one easy-to-steal container for a would-be ManBagSnatcher. He's going to have to stick his hands in my pockets first.

Which will only occur over my cold dead body.

Dr "It's In The Bag" Gerlich